One of my personal favorite kinks to engage in, Homewrecking Fantasy, does suffer from a lot of bad press on social media. A lot of dominatrices will refuse to engage in it, arguing that such a fetish isn’t supportive of Female Supremacy, or that it is misogynistic in essence. Is this really an anti-feminist kink at all? How is it related to Financial Domination or Blackmail Fantasy? And finally, what are the psychological motivations behind it?
What’s Homewrecking Fantasy and how is it related to Financial Domination?
Homewrecking Fantasy is a kink where the psysub finds sexual arousal from being seduced and manipulated into ending or ruining his relationship with his partner, real or imagined, to whom he’s married or not. Often, it would be a girlfriend or a wife. In rare cases, it could be also be an ex partner…
For most Homewrecking Fantasy fans, it’s the idea of potentially losing everything, be it their current relationship, marriage, social status or prestige resulting from that union that they find extremely appealing. But in many cases, the financial risks associated with a very possible divorce, such as losing their house, a lot of financial assets or a very consequent sum of money are a also a huge, if not the main part of the fetish.
For others, Homewrecking Fantasy will revolve around the risk of being “outed” to their partner by their Psydomme, who will then play a fantasy Blackmailer, or, as I like to call it, an Erotic Extortionist, who will threaten them to expose the fictional affair to their partner if they don’t pay a certain sum of money.
The psychological motivations behind the fetish
Homewrecking Fantasy is a way for a psysub to experience the thrill of a forbidden affair and especially cheating on his partner, but without having to deal with the consequences of an actual affair and its whole lot of collateral damage. The D/s (Dominant/submissive) dynamics that come into play, is that there is also a desire to be coerced, manipulated into the fantasized affair by the Psydomme. The psysub fantasizes about being, in a way, controlled and enslaved emotionally by a Femme Fatale with ulterior motives. Here, the manipulation is consensual, and will comprise of many psychological techniques that many so-called PUAs (Pick Up Artists) use to seduce: body language seduction, covert hypnosis, as well as NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). NLP is often nicknamed “The Science of Manipulation”, which is the reason why I have trademarked the name The Manipulatrix™, being an NLP specialist myself.
Now, what is the psychological background of a submissive seeking such an intense emotional and erotic form of Psychological Domination? Most of the time, these submissives are very happily married, or have a very exciting dating life. What they seem to lack, however, is some kind of challenge in their current relationship(s) where they feel they have too much control. Often, they have a wife who have sacrificed everything for them (or would do so in the blink of an eye), or girlfriends that are hopelessly in love with them. Relinquishing emotional control to a true Manipulatrix is where they finally find release.
In other cases, it can be a way for the psysub to reclaim control over a failing, or failed relationship. Remember the saying “you don’t know what you had until it is gone”? That’s the (potentially masochistic) feeling the psysub can be looking for (consciously or not). If he ended a relationship, or is ending one, delving into Homewrecking Fantasy can challenge his feelings and help him get in touch with certain emotions he thought he would never be able to feel again. The fact that he is experiencing very intense feelings in the context of a Psydom session allows him to explore his emotions safely and if necessary, to stop whenever he reaches his emotional limits. Such Homewrecking Fantasy sessions can be psychologically and emotionally exhausting, but also extremely rewarding with the right communication.
Isn’t the fetish about humiliating or disrespecting someone’s wife?
While some submissives do seek humiliation based on their choice of wife (it’s always about themselves and their choices, rather than about anyone else, let alone a partner), true Homewrecking Fantasy actually revolves around the ruination of a relationship. The whole point of this kink, as we noted above, is the emotional surrender to a Manipulatrix using seduction as the main tool for the transfer of power.
And how do you seduce a man? Certainly not by insulting his wife or girlfriend, nor questioning his tastes in women… That’s a different kink entirely. Seduction is about creating an emotional bond using one’s attractiveness (some will say beauty), body language and intellect. It’s about creating a certain chemistry between the two protagonists. And the word “chemistry” isn’t just a figure of speech here… Did you know that when humans bond, their brain releases a substance called oxytocin, the “bonding hormone”, or “love drug”? No wonder that there is such a huge fetish around Love addiction…
Homewrecking Fantasy is truly one of my favourite kinks to engage in, because of the high psychological skills required to be able to engage in it safely, of the beauty of the intense emotional bond that can result from such a power exchange, and because it is a fetish where pure seduction is combined with elements of Financial Domination.
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