Tag Archives: D/s dynamics

CUCKOLDING, EXPLAINED

Cuckolding, or more classically, cuckoldry, is an ever-popular sexual humiliation kink where the cuckold (or “cuck”) finds pleasure in being sexually cheated on a by a woman whom he romantically pursues or is in a relationship with – usually a wife, a girlfriend or, in our case, a mistress…. How does one form such a fetish, and what are the dynamics of the Cuckoldress/cuckold (C/c) relationship?


From candaulism…

Candaules, a king from ancient Greece kingdom of Lydia (located in nowadays Turkey), gave his name to the voyeur fetish of watching one’s female partner having sex with other men. Candaules wanted to show-off his wife Queen Nyssia’s naked body to his favorite bodyguard, Gygès, so he had him watch her get undressed from behind the door of the royal bedroom. Although there was no actual sex taking place according to the legend, Queen Nyssia ordered Gygès to either kill the king, or kill himself considering the gravity of the betrayal. The King ended up dead…

A few centuries later, candaulism becomes the name of the voyeur sexual practice of perving on one’s female partner having sex with other men. A popular thing among swingers, it is slowly but surely making its way to the vanilla (non-fetish) sex repertoire, along with other practices such as polyamory. It is to be noted that there is no obvious humiliation involved here yet, only pure voyeurism… Notable adepts of candaulism in the 20th century include Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio, as well as Salvador Dali, adept of this practice with his wife Gala, who allegedly initiated him to the kink.

 

…to cuckoldry

If candaulism is how Dali found arousal in watching Gala have sex with other men, the perversion didn’t stop there. Salvador Dali was said to be a virgin at the time he met Gala, his wife to be, who was 10 years his senior and notorious for her ever-growing list of lovers. She made him understand that he could never possibly satisfy her sexually, and since Dali was convinced of his inadequacy since his childhood during which he had compared the size of his genitalia to those of his fellow classmates, he accepted to become Gala’s cuckold. Later in their relationship, she went to the length of showering her numerous lovers with gifts and money using the income from Dali’s art…

To sum it up, the difference between candaulism and cuckoldry (cuckolding) is the humiliation factor. Cuckoldry is not a voyeuristic pleasure, but a masochistic one: the cuckold fetishist gets off on the humiliation of being “cuckolded”. One fetish always leading to many others, there are numerous other elements that can add to the humiliation. In the case of Dali, there were also notions of Small Penis Humiliation (SPH) and Financial Domination, but contemporary cuckolding can entail many other fetishes such as interracial humiliation – Big Black Cock humiliation (BBC) being one of the most popular – or chastity, or even gay encouragement. There are more cuckold types than grains of sand…

 

How did I form such a fetish?

Many of my subs have asked that question, so here is my very personal analysis on how one does become a cuckoldry fetishist.

If we followed Freudian psychoanalytic theories, it could be an Oedipus complex: the cuckold fetishist became such because he overheard or caught his mother having sex with a man (not necessarily his father) during the phallic stage of his psychosexual development, which occurs between the age of 3 to 6 years old, and during which his infantile libido is directed towards, you guessed it, his mother. Consequently, cuckolding has become a default mode for his sexuality.

Another more probable case, from what I have observed with my own clients, would be a coping mechanism: the cuckold fetishist is experiencing or has experienced infidelity in his relationship with a female significant other, or worse, a betrayal that lead to a painful breakup, and the only subterfuge that his subconscious has found to cope with the resulting trauma was to turn it into a sexual fetish, thus reclaiming control of the traumatic experience through sexual arousal.

Lastly, and this is probably one of the most common cases in my opinion, it could also be what I like to call an “escape fantasy”: the cuckold fetishist is in a happily monogamous relationship, would be considered an alpha male by the society he evolves in and could easily be a cheater himself as he has numerous attractive women gravitating towards him or even being at his beck and call, but as a result, ends up craving the exact opposite, namely, being made a cuckold by a dominant female. His sexual nemesis is the Cuckoldress…

 

The Cuckoldress/cuckold (C/c) dynamics

The most fascinating aspect of the C/c dynamics is finding the balance between seduction and rejection. This can mean a lot of Tease and Denial, not just in the context of a session, but in the context of a long-term C/c relationship. This kind of relationship can be extremely intense emotionally, which is why it is important to find a Cuckoldress that understands your weaknesses and side-fetishes as well as the multidimensionality of consent within the relationship.

Once trust is established… What’s more exciting than being the consenting victim to your Cuckoldress’ expert seduction, as she relentlessly sparks your desire only to turn the table on you so that you end up denied, humiliated or even used and abused? Cuckold subs are certainly some of my favorite to toy with…

 

So… Which cuckold are you? Apply here to become mine…

 

 

This text is the exclusive property of The Only Theodora™, © 2018.
Any reproduction and/or partial or complete use of content and services offered by The Only Theodora, by any means whatsoever, without the prior written authorization of The Only Theodora and affiliates, is strictly prohibited and constitutes an infringement under Articles L 335-2, Articles L 343-1 and following of the Code of Intellectual Property, national regulations and international conventions. Violation of these provisions subjects the offender and all persons responsible for criminal and civil penalties provided by law.

HOME WRECKING FANTASY

One of my personal favorite kinks to engage in, Homewrecking Fantasy, does suffer from a lot of bad press on social media. A lot of dominatrices will refuse to engage in it, arguing that such a fetish isn’t supportive of Female Supremacy, or that it is misogynistic in essence. Is this really an anti-feminist kink at all? How is it related to Financial Domination or Blackmail Fantasy? And finally, what are the psychological motivations behind it?


What’s Homewrecking Fantasy and how is it related to Financial Domination?

Homewrecking Fantasy is a kink where the psysub finds sexual arousal from being seduced and manipulated into ending or ruining his relationship with his partner, real or imagined, to whom he’s married or not. Often, it would be a girlfriend or a wife. In rare cases, it could be also be an ex partner…

For most Homewrecking Fantasy fans, it’s the idea of potentially losing everything, be it their current relationship, marriage, social status or prestige resulting from that union that they find extremely appealing. But in many cases, the financial risks associated with a very possible divorce, such as losing their house, a lot of financial assets or a very consequent sum of money are a also a huge, if not the main part of the fetish.

For others, Homewrecking Fantasy will revolve around the risk of being “outed” to their partner by their Psydomme, who will then play a fantasy Blackmailer, or, as I like to call it, an Erotic Extortionist, who will threaten them to expose the fictional affair to their partner if they don’t pay a certain sum of money.

 

The psychological motivations behind the fetish

Homewrecking Fantasy is a way for a psysub to experience the thrill of a forbidden affair and especially cheating on his partner, but without having to deal with the consequences of an actual affair and its whole lot of collateral damage. The D/s (Dominant/submissive) dynamics that come into play, is that there is also a desire to be coerced, manipulated into the fantasized affair by the Psydomme. The psysub fantasizes about being, in a way, controlled and enslaved emotionally by a Femme Fatale with ulterior motives. Here, the manipulation is consensual, and will comprise of many psychological techniques that many so-called PUAs (Pick Up Artists) use to seduce: body language seduction, covert hypnosis, as well as NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). NLP is often nicknamed “The Science of Manipulation”, which is the reason why I have trademarked the name The Manipulatrix™, being an NLP specialist myself.

Now, what is the psychological background of a submissive seeking such an intense emotional and erotic form of Psychological Domination? Most of the time, these submissives are very happily married, or have a very exciting dating life. What they seem to lack, however, is some kind of challenge in their current relationship(s) where they feel they have too much control. Often, they have a wife who have sacrificed everything for them (or would do so in the blink of an eye), or girlfriends that are hopelessly in love with them. Relinquishing emotional control to a true Manipulatrix is where they finally find release.

In other cases, it can be a way for the psysub to reclaim control over a failing, or failed relationship. Remember the saying “you don’t know what you had until it is gone”? That’s the (potentially masochistic) feeling the psysub can be looking for (consciously or not). If he ended a relationship, or is ending one, delving into Homewrecking Fantasy can challenge his feelings and help him get in touch with certain emotions he thought he would never be able to feel again. The fact that he is experiencing very intense feelings in the context of a Psydom session allows him to explore his emotions safely and if necessary, to stop whenever he reaches his emotional limits. Such Homewrecking Fantasy sessions can be psychologically and emotionally exhausting, but also extremely rewarding with the right communication.

 

Isn’t the fetish about humiliating or disrespecting someone’s wife?

While some submissives do seek humiliation based on their choice of wife (it’s always about themselves and their choices, rather than about anyone else, let alone a partner), true Homewrecking Fantasy actually revolves around the ruination of a relationship. The whole point of this kink, as we noted above, is the emotional surrender to a Manipulatrix using seduction as the main tool for the transfer of power.

And how do you seduce a man? Certainly not by insulting his wife or girlfriend, nor questioning his tastes in women… That’s a different kink entirely. Seduction is about creating an emotional bond using one’s attractiveness (some will say beauty), body language and intellect. It’s about creating a certain chemistry between the two protagonists. And the word “chemistry” isn’t just a figure of speech here… Did you know that when humans bond, their brain releases a substance called oxytocin, the “bonding hormone”, or “love drug”? No wonder that there is such a huge fetish around Love addiction

Homewrecking Fantasy is truly one of my favourite kinks to engage in, because of the high psychological skills required to be able to engage in it safely, of the beauty of the intense emotional bond that can result from such a power exchange, and because it is a fetish where pure seduction is combined with elements of Financial Domination.

 

Ready to fall into my trap? Send me your first love letter now by clicking here…

 

 

This text is the exclusive property of The Only Theodora™, © 2018.
Any reproduction and/or partial or complete use of content and services offered by The Only Theodora, by any means whatsoever, without the prior written authorization of The Only Theodora and affiliates, is strictly prohibited and constitutes an infringement under Articles L 335-2, Articles L 343-1 and following of the Code of Intellectual Property, national regulations and international conventions. Violation of these provisions subjects the offender and all persons responsible for criminal and civil penalties provided by law.