Tag Archives: Fetish

XBIZ Europa Clip Performer of the Year 🏆

I was awarded the prestigious XBIZ Europa ‘Clip Performer of the Year 2018’ award on September 11th at the XBIZ Europa Awards in Berlin.  The winners were selected by online voting by industry members and fans alike.

I would like to thank you all for voting for me! I am honoured and grateful. Thank you so much!

Read more about my winning here.

CUCKOLDING, EXPLAINED

Cuckolding, or more classically, cuckoldry, is an ever-popular sexual humiliation kink where the cuckold (or “cuck”) finds pleasure in being sexually cheated on a by a woman whom he romantically pursues or is in a relationship with – usually a wife, a girlfriend or, in our case, a mistress…. How does one form such a fetish, and what are the dynamics of the Cuckoldress/cuckold (C/c) relationship?


From candaulism…

Candaules, a king from ancient Greece kingdom of Lydia (located in nowadays Turkey), gave his name to the voyeur fetish of watching one’s female partner having sex with other men. Candaules wanted to show-off his wife Queen Nyssia’s naked body to his favorite bodyguard, Gygès, so he had him watch her get undressed from behind the door of the royal bedroom. Although there was no actual sex taking place according to the legend, Queen Nyssia ordered Gygès to either kill the king, or kill himself considering the gravity of the betrayal. The King ended up dead…

A few centuries later, candaulism becomes the name of the voyeur sexual practice of perving on one’s female partner having sex with other men. A popular thing among swingers, it is slowly but surely making its way to the vanilla (non-fetish) sex repertoire, along with other practices such as polyamory. It is to be noted that there is no obvious humiliation involved here yet, only pure voyeurism… Notable adepts of candaulism in the 20th century include Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio, as well as Salvador Dali, adept of this practice with his wife Gala, who allegedly initiated him to the kink.

 

…to cuckoldry

If candaulism is how Dali found arousal in watching Gala have sex with other men, the perversion didn’t stop there. Salvador Dali was said to be a virgin at the time he met Gala, his wife to be, who was 10 years his senior and notorious for her ever-growing list of lovers. She made him understand that he could never possibly satisfy her sexually, and since Dali was convinced of his inadequacy since his childhood during which he had compared the size of his genitalia to those of his fellow classmates, he accepted to become Gala’s cuckold. Later in their relationship, she went to the length of showering her numerous lovers with gifts and money using the income from Dali’s art…

To sum it up, the difference between candaulism and cuckoldry (cuckolding) is the humiliation factor. Cuckoldry is not a voyeuristic pleasure, but a masochistic one: the cuckold fetishist gets off on the humiliation of being “cuckolded”. One fetish always leading to many others, there are numerous other elements that can add to the humiliation. In the case of Dali, there were also notions of Small Penis Humiliation (SPH) and Financial Domination, but contemporary cuckolding can entail many other fetishes such as interracial humiliation – Big Black Cock humiliation (BBC) being one of the most popular – or chastity, or even gay encouragement. There are more cuckold types than grains of sand…

 

How did I form such a fetish?

Many of my subs have asked that question, so here is my very personal analysis on how one does become a cuckoldry fetishist.

If we followed Freudian psychoanalytic theories, it could be an Oedipus complex: the cuckold fetishist became such because he overheard or caught his mother having sex with a man (not necessarily his father) during the phallic stage of his psychosexual development, which occurs between the age of 3 to 6 years old, and during which his infantile libido is directed towards, you guessed it, his mother. Consequently, cuckolding has become a default mode for his sexuality.

Another more probable case, from what I have observed with my own clients, would be a coping mechanism: the cuckold fetishist is experiencing or has experienced infidelity in his relationship with a female significant other, or worse, a betrayal that lead to a painful breakup, and the only subterfuge that his subconscious has found to cope with the resulting trauma was to turn it into a sexual fetish, thus reclaiming control of the traumatic experience through sexual arousal.

Lastly, and this is probably one of the most common cases in my opinion, it could also be what I like to call an “escape fantasy”: the cuckold fetishist is in a happily monogamous relationship, would be considered an alpha male by the society he evolves in and could easily be a cheater himself as he has numerous attractive women gravitating towards him or even being at his beck and call, but as a result, ends up craving the exact opposite, namely, being made a cuckold by a dominant female. His sexual nemesis is the Cuckoldress…

 

The Cuckoldress/cuckold (C/c) dynamics

The most fascinating aspect of the C/c dynamics is finding the balance between seduction and rejection. This can mean a lot of Tease and Denial, not just in the context of a session, but in the context of a long-term C/c relationship. This kind of relationship can be extremely intense emotionally, which is why it is important to find a Cuckoldress that understands your weaknesses and side-fetishes as well as the multidimensionality of consent within the relationship.

Once trust is established… What’s more exciting than being the consenting victim to your Cuckoldress’ expert seduction, as she relentlessly sparks your desire only to turn the table on you so that you end up denied, humiliated or even used and abused? Cuckold subs are certainly some of my favorite to toy with…

 

So… Which cuckold are you? Apply here to become mine…

 

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This text is the exclusive property of The Only Theodora™, © 2018.
Any reproduction and/or partial or complete use of content and services offered by The Only Theodora, by any means whatsoever, without the prior written authorization of The Only Theodora and affiliates, is strictly prohibited and constitutes an infringement under Articles L 335-2, Articles L 343-1 and following of the Code of Intellectual Property, national regulations and international conventions. Violation of these provisions subjects the offender and all persons responsible for criminal and civil penalties provided by law.

HOME WRECKING FANTASY

One of my personal favorite kinks to engage in, Homewrecking Fantasy, does suffer from a lot of bad press on social media. A lot of dominatrices will refuse to engage in it, arguing that such a fetish isn’t supportive of Female Supremacy, or that it is misogynistic in essence. Is this really an anti-feminist kink at all? How is it related to Financial Domination or Blackmail Fantasy? And finally, what are the psychological motivations behind it?


What’s Homewrecking Fantasy and how is it related to Financial Domination?

Homewrecking Fantasy is a kink where the psysub finds sexual arousal from being seduced and manipulated into ending or ruining his relationship with his partner, real or imagined, to whom he’s married or not. Often, it would be a girlfriend or a wife. In rare cases, it could be also be an ex partner…

For most Homewrecking Fantasy fans, it’s the idea of potentially losing everything, be it their current relationship, marriage, social status or prestige resulting from that union that they find extremely appealing. But in many cases, the financial risks associated with a very possible divorce, such as losing their house, a lot of financial assets or a very consequent sum of money are a also a huge, if not the main part of the fetish.

For others, Homewrecking Fantasy will revolve around the risk of being “outed” to their partner by their Psydomme, who will then play a fantasy Blackmailer, or, as I like to call it, an Erotic Extortionist, who will threaten them to expose the fictional affair to their partner if they don’t pay a certain sum of money.

 

The psychological motivations behind the fetish

Homewrecking Fantasy is a way for a psysub to experience the thrill of a forbidden affair and especially cheating on his partner, but without having to deal with the consequences of an actual affair and its whole lot of collateral damage. The D/s (Dominant/submissive) dynamics that come into play, is that there is also a desire to be coerced, manipulated into the fantasized affair by the Psydomme. The psysub fantasizes about being, in a way, controlled and enslaved emotionally by a Femme Fatale with ulterior motives. Here, the manipulation is consensual, and will comprise of many psychological techniques that many so-called PUAs (Pick Up Artists) use to seduce: body language seduction, covert hypnosis, as well as NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). NLP is often nicknamed “The Science of Manipulation”, which is the reason why I have trademarked the name The Manipulatrix™, being an NLP specialist myself.

Now, what is the psychological background of a submissive seeking such an intense emotional and erotic form of Psychological Domination? Most of the time, these submissives are very happily married, or have a very exciting dating life. What they seem to lack, however, is some kind of challenge in their current relationship(s) where they feel they have too much control. Often, they have a wife who have sacrificed everything for them (or would do so in the blink of an eye), or girlfriends that are hopelessly in love with them. Relinquishing emotional control to a true Manipulatrix is where they finally find release.

In other cases, it can be a way for the psysub to reclaim control over a failing, or failed relationship. Remember the saying “you don’t know what you had until it is gone”? That’s the (potentially masochistic) feeling the psysub can be looking for (consciously or not). If he ended a relationship, or is ending one, delving into Homewrecking Fantasy can challenge his feelings and help him get in touch with certain emotions he thought he would never be able to feel again. The fact that he is experiencing very intense feelings in the context of a Psydom session allows him to explore his emotions safely and if necessary, to stop whenever he reaches his emotional limits. Such Homewrecking Fantasy sessions can be psychologically and emotionally exhausting, but also extremely rewarding with the right communication.

 

Isn’t the fetish about humiliating or disrespecting someone’s wife?

While some submissives do seek humiliation based on their choice of wife (it’s always about themselves and their choices, rather than about anyone else, let alone a partner), true Homewrecking Fantasy actually revolves around the ruination of a relationship. The whole point of this kink, as we noted above, is the emotional surrender to a Manipulatrix using seduction as the main tool for the transfer of power.

And how do you seduce a man? Certainly not by insulting his wife or girlfriend, nor questioning his tastes in women… That’s a different kink entirely. Seduction is about creating an emotional bond using one’s attractiveness (some will say beauty), body language and intellect. It’s about creating a certain chemistry between the two protagonists. And the word “chemistry” isn’t just a figure of speech here… Did you know that when humans bond, their brain releases a substance called oxytocin, the “bonding hormone”, or “love drug”? No wonder that there is such a huge fetish around Love addiction

Homewrecking Fantasy is truly one of my favourite kinks to engage in, because of the high psychological skills required to be able to engage in it safely, of the beauty of the intense emotional bond that can result from such a power exchange, and because it is a fetish where pure seduction is combined with elements of Financial Domination.

 

Ready to fall into my trap? Send me your first love letter now by clicking here…

 

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This text is the exclusive property of The Only Theodora™, © 2018.
Any reproduction and/or partial or complete use of content and services offered by The Only Theodora, by any means whatsoever, without the prior written authorization of The Only Theodora and affiliates, is strictly prohibited and constitutes an infringement under Articles L 335-2, Articles L 343-1 and following of the Code of Intellectual Property, national regulations and international conventions. Violation of these provisions subjects the offender and all persons responsible for criminal and civil penalties provided by law.

FINANCIAL DOMINATION

Financial Domination is undoubtedly one of the most infamous of all fetishes. With the exponential growth encountered by the online domination scene, #Findom has become one of the first kinks on Twitter, making it the second most popular kinky hashtag after #Femdom, and surprisingly, before #BDSM and #Fetish, and is in the top three most represented fetishes along with Female Domination or Cuckolding on clips sites such as Clips4sale and iWantClips. Has Findom become something mainstream? And what does a financial submissive do apart from… Paying?


How does Financial Domination work?

Like in every form of domination (Female domination, Hypnotic domination, Psychological Domination, and so on), Financial domination is a kink based on a power exchange, where the submissive relinquishes control over his finances to his Financial Dominatrix (Findomme). Of course, whenever there is a transfer of power, there is an interaction between the submissive and the dominant. Be it during a real time session or via messages for long distance D/s relationship, this interaction is a prerequisite to any findom relationship as it allows the two protagonists to define the boundaries of the transfer of power, as well as validate consent. Without this interaction, there is no domination. While this might seem obvious, it is still common to encounter fetish enthusiasts who will mistake monetary tributes or tips for Financial Domination. While it is perfectly fine (and much appreciated) to send money (or buy gifts) to your domme outside of a fetish transaction or of a payment for a session, whatever the amount, this doesn’t qualify as financial domination because it doesn’t entail a power exchange. Rather, it is simply a gift, showing devotion and appreciation to your domme. It isn’t rare for successful dominatrices to be showered in gifts and money from their submissives, and they will make the difference between gifts – that don’t require anything from them in return, and financial domination – which requires actual work from them… Similarly, a payment for your session or for a fetish item doesn’t necessarily qualify as financial domination, whatever the amount: outside of the context of a transfer of power, it is just that: a payment for a fetish item or for a session.

 

Is Financial Domination expensive?

Just like pink furry handcuffs are now readily available in every lingerie shop and not just in specialized stores, you will be able to find amateur findommes on social networks such as Twitter or Instagram accepting two to three figures tributes very easily. One might say that pink furry handcuffs don’t exactly qualify as BDSM nor domination, but I would argue that while it certainly isn’t typical of elite, professional domination, it still does seem to add plenty of spice to some vanilla couples’ sex lives… Same goes for dominettes, as I call them. True, they aren’t full-time professional BDSM experts, and some of them have simply jumped on the band wagon of findom for obvious reasons, but they may still help you spice up your sex life as a findom-curious submissive and this could be a way for you to enjoy a bit of the fantasy without actually delving into true financial domination, thus avoiding any kind of damage to your finances – although the thrill of paying which you might have been looking for will be proportionally less intense… If, on the contrary, you are looking to push your limits, a professional financial dominatrix might be best suited for you. As a world-class, elite financial dominatrix, my tribute is on the higher side. I still accept paypigs of any income, but it is to be noted that my sessions are for a select clientele only and I will only accept new finsubs who meet certain income requirements or under certain specific conditions – contact me to apply and discuss further.

 

Finsub, paypig, moneyslave… Who does what?

There are only so many ways to define oneself as a financial submissive, but even within financial domination, there are different ways to submit and different aspects of the fetish that one may be attracted to. Here are a few suggested definitions to help you find yourself within this fetish.

Finsub: This is a contraction of Financial Submissive. This is probably the most general term and is the one I use the most to qualify my own subs. “Finsub” suggests there is a power exchange, and that the protagonist is submitting within his chosen boundaries.

Moneyslave: Unlike the financial submissive, a slave is expected to (financially) surrender completely to his findomme. The relationship is one of Total Power Exchange. A slave isn’t allowed to have desires nor express them, unlike the submissive; he will be treated as a property. Not everyone has the privilege to be my moneyslave, it is a term that I reserve for very special people with whom I have a very unique relationship.

Human ATM: One way to financially surrender to a findomme is to become her human ATM for her to use. The term was first used to describe finsubs who do real time cashmeets (they withdraw a certain amount of money from an ATM only to tribute it to their domme), but it is now common to call a human ATM any finsub who is summoned by his domme only to get money from him, whether online or real time. His sole purpose is to tribute.

Paypig: A paypig is a submissive who finds pleasure in being used to pay his findomme’s bills, be it utility bills, rent, gas, manicure/pedicure, clothing, or anything else! The payment for a findomme’s bill is commonly referred to as tribute. Most paypigs have other fetishes than just findom, which is why I like to assign my bills to paypigs who have a weakness or fetish related to said bill. For example, a hair fetishist paypig will be given my hair salon bill, a foot fetishist paypig will be given my pedicure bill, and a cuckold paypig will be given my dinner date bill…

As a side note, I would like to emphasize that I do not accept “wishlist pigs”. I use my wishlist as a reward for my loyal subs, and I will only indulge your fetish of buying me lingerie, heels or sexy gifts after you have proven your financial devotion to me with your consistency and loyalty, which is why my luxury wishlist is private and only accessible to the members of The Only Cult.

 

Taking it further…

We have established that Financial Domination entails control. Depending on what your limits are, and how you define yourself within financial domination, several means of control over your finances can be used. This ranges from debt contracts, joint bank accounts, consensual financial blackmail, what I call cardholding (like keyholding, but in this case your chastity key is replaced by your credit card), TeamViewer, to real time sessions, such as cashmeets, shopping sessions my way (as in… Findom shopping sessions, as opposed to sugar baby shopping sessions) or loser datescontact me to apply and discuss all of these in detail.

 

So… What finsub are you?

 

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This text is the exclusive property of The Only Theodora™, © 2017.
Any reproduction and/or partial or complete use of content and services offered by The Only Theodora, by any means whatsoever, without the prior written authorization of The Only Theodora and affiliates, is strictly prohibited and constitutes an infringement under Articles L 335-2, Articles L 343-1 and following of the Code of Intellectual Property, national regulations and international conventions. Violation of these provisions subjects the offender and all persons responsible for criminal and civil penalties provided by law.

#PSYDOM

Abbreviations such as Femdom and Findom, contractions of Female domination and Financial domination respectively, are widely used in the BDSM world. But it seems that psychological domination, although not being exceptionally rare, doesn’t even have a nickname of its own yet. Today, a simple search for the hashtag #Psydom on Twitter or Instagram will prove quite deceiving indeed… Why not give Psydom, or psychological domination, a true and highly intriguing BDSM art, its rightful glory?


What is Psydom?

Psydom is the word resulting from the contraction of Psychological domination. Psychology is the science of the mind, therefore Psydom is the art of dominating the mind. If physical domination often requires tools, such as whips and crops, and skills to match – corporal punishment isn’t about hitting as hard as one can, and whoever tried to use a bullwhip knows how much practice it takes to master its use, psychological domination is no different. In Psydom, communication, rather than words, is the main weapon, hence the necessary knowledge of psychology, as well as various language and communication techniques. The infamous Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), Ericksonian hypnosis, and non-verbal communication are some of them. Humiliation, which requires a knowledge of fetishes, could be considered as the psychological equivalent of corporal punishment, and behavioral modification or hypnosis, forms of mental bondage. Psydom comprises a vast array of skills and applications, which make for a fascinating art to master… Which is why I have chosen to become a Psydomme myself.

 

What does psychology do?

With psychology, it is possible to understand where fetishes take root, through Freudian symbolism for instance. An advanced knowledge of Freudian symbolism allows to make pertinent metaphors during hypnosis sessions. Psychology also helps predict and understand a specific behaviour in regard to an experienced event (behavioral psychology). Given that fetishes are often formed from an experienced event, not only the Psydomme would understand the particular fetish of a psysub, but she would be able to carry the whole session in a safe manner while being in the right direction, as she would know what reactions or emotions she would trigger. Obviously, this is an extremely valuable asset for dominatrices who want to truly be in control during the session.

Similarly to physical domination, psychological domination isn’t without risks and the potential damage, although less visible is very real and solid knowledge of behavioral psychology is essential to prevent it. During a session (this is particularly true for hypnosis sessions), it is possible for the sub to experience trauma stimulus (or trauma trigger), the resurfacing of repressed memories of a traumatic event, although this tends to be rare and easily avoided, when using safety anchors or suggestions beforehand for example. Exactly like for bondage during a physical domination session, safety is of utmost importance in psychological domination, and a skilled Psydomme will always make a point taking care of it.

 

The power of non-verbal communication

If knowledge of psychology is essential in order to be a successful Psydomme, it also requires both verbal and non-verbal advanced communication skills. Neuro Linguistic Programming, a science based on words and the daughter of Ericksonian hypnosis, may have gained popularity amongst dominatrices, but using it on its own would result in a very poor Psydom experience for the psysub, since verbal communication is believed to account for only about 7 percent of interpersonal communication… Which means that about 93% of interpersonal communication is actually non-verbal! Non-verbal communication includes kinesics (body movements), posture, proxemics (the distance between two subjects), para-language (tone of voice, speed of speech), and eye contact. In this era of technology, video, be it clips or Skype sessions, allows for great Psydom relationships, long distance or not, since it conveys most of the non-verbal communication previously impossible to carry through phone domination, not to mention outside of a real time session. I, myself use video a lot – my custom clips especially are highly in demand – with great success in developing a profound, intimate connection with my subs.

 

Taking it further

Those seeking intense sensations know it well: nothing beats real life domination sessions. Beyond the evident overwhelming feeling that meeting your domme can provoke, being able to breathe the same air comes with a few other privileges: the scent of her perfume or even the touch of her nails grazing your skin if you are lucky, for example. These may seem like tiny details at first, but the feeling of expectation will amplify them tremendously, and they will carry a much greater significance given the exceptional character of the encounter. An experienced Psydomme would know exactly how to make use of this…

If psydom sessions don’t allow any kind of sexual contact, this doesn’t mean there will not be any non-sexual contact either. In fact, that non-sexual contact can be another extremely powerful form of communication, or if you prefer, another way to convey strong suggestions to you and manipulate you further! Dating coaches and pick up artists know it well, non-sexual touch, “kino”, as they call it, can be a true weapon of seduction. If used the right way, it can also convey power! I happen to be the daughter of a psychologist and hypnotherapist who wrote various books on the subject and have had the privilege of learning these techniques as they were being researched – I do offer coaching sessions in Paris if you’re an aspiring Psydomme looking to develop your communication skills, body language and NLP technique (contact me for details).

All these fascinating techniques are what transcends a Psydom relationship and turn a real time psydom session into an intense, exhilarating experience. The ultimate step towards true submission, daring to live your fantasies in the flesh will enable you to embrace your deepest desires and concretize psychological transformations that you never thought you were capable of…

Are you ready to take the plunge? Book your real time session with me now or make your fantasy come true by ordering a custom clip!

 

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This text is the exclusive property of The Only Theodora™, © June 2017.
Any reproduction and/or partial or complete use of content and services offered by The Only Theodora™, by any means whatsoever, without the prior written authorization of The Only Theodora™ and affiliates, is strictly prohibited and constitutes an infringement under Articles L 335-2, Articles L 343-1 and following of the Code of Intellectual Property, national regulations and international conventions. Violation of these provisions subjects the offender and all persons responsible for criminal and civil penalties provided by law and will be subject to prosecution.