Tag Archives: Psychology


extortion: ɪkˈstɔːʃ(ə)n, ɛkˈstɔːʃ(ə)n/ noun
the practice of obtaining something, especially money, through force or threats

erotic: ɪˈrɒtɪk/ adjective
relating to or tending to arouse sexual desire or excitement

There is a kink that very few actually dare to engage in, for fear of going too far, despite its ever-popular status all over the internet. Often wrongly called blackmail (which, indeed, always involves extortion), Erotic Extortion, the art of obtaining money through force or threat from a consenting and tantalized victim, is possibly the most attractive and thrilling psycho-kink to engage in. But how far can this take you, and what does it entail? Read further and try not to be hooked…


The most natural psycho-kink

Erotic Extortion can be considered a sub genre of Financial Domination. So, let’s take a look at the dynamics of power exchange in Financial Domination first. In contemporary western society, money equals power, and said power isn’t traditionally given to women and men in equal measure. On the contrary, with gender pay gap being the norm, and sexist laws still being applicable in numerous not-so-remote parts of the world, women are overpowered by default. Not to mention that on top of this, men currently hold 99% of world wealth… Therefore, wealth isn’t only a status symbol of power: rather, it is the power, and money, its instrument.

Relinquishing power to a dominant female is a common way for powerful men with high responsibilities to find release. It is, understandably, a way for them to balance their lives as daytime leaders with stressful careers where they have to be in control all the time. And since actual power lies in money, it makes Financial Domination the most tangible form of domination to them. Better yet, and in a reciprocal manner, it also is to many female dominants. The fact that western women hold only 1% of the world wealth and have limited access to high profile careers with responsibilities highly reinforces this polarization. Financial Domination gives women the power back not only on an individual or intrapersonal level, but on a societal level.

Which is probably why a vast majority of dominant women in western society is turned on by the idea of getting paid, and rarely the opposite, while men, in turn, often find paying for their kink an additional turn-on. If you have ever been to a strip club, you have probably witnessed a very popular form of erotic extortion before your very eyes. An exotic dancer is in action, doing a lap dance, stripping and teasing all she can, then “threatens” her customer to stop her dance, in the most seductive way, unless more money is paid immediately… Is there a sexiest way to illustrate the eroticism in consensual extortion?


From Erotic Extortion to Blackmail

While Erotic Extortion revolves around demanding money, with added threats of various nature, Blackmail is an erotic extortion which threat is specifically to expose the consenting victim. Depending on what other kinks and fetishes said consenting victim is known to have, the threat can be to expose these to a third person or to a group of people, be it a wife, a boss, some colleagues or whoever has an important role enough for the exposure to present a real threat. We have this saying in French, that the apple tastes better when the worm is in the fruit (although, if I may add, the worm is always best avoided…). So, how far can this seemingly dangerous game go?

Here’s the thing with Blackmail fantasy : it is just that. A fantasy. By actually exposing your blackmail submissive, you are involving someone external to this BDSM practice without their consent, thus crossing the line between fantasy and reality. Moreover, the law is the law, and whatever contract you may write or sign (this is especially true for Blackmail fantasy), publicly exposing someone is called defamation and is a criminal offense punishable by law, consent or not. So what’s a domme to do? Now that we made it clear that blackmail really is only a fantasy, where is all the thrill in Blackmail fantasy?

Every power exchange in BDSM is first and foremost of a consensual nature. I consider my way of engaging in domination Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC), as opposed to Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) – I reserve the latter for my long-term subs that I know extremely well, under exceptional circumstances. I feel that it is my duty to provide a safe space for my subs to experiment with their kinks and explore their fantasies, without being judged or, most importantly, put in danger. Most new or inexperienced subs will beg for RACK, especially on the heat of the moment, although they eventually won’t be able to handle it. The whole point of this kink is to be able to provide the thrill of RACK without actually going there… That is where the knowledge of psychology, body language and NLP technique comes in handy. A skilled Psydomme will know how to push her sub’s buttons and flirt with the limits without ever even needing to cross them, for she will be able to recognize consensual non-consent and know exactly how far she can go…


Now, will you be able to handle the heat? Apply for the ultimate Erotic Extortion experience with me here



This text is the exclusive property of The Only Theodora, © 2017.
Any reproduction and/or partial or complete use of content and services offered by The Only Theodora, by any means whatsoever, without the prior written authorization of The Only Theodora and affiliates, is strictly prohibited and constitutes an infringement under Articles L 335-2, Articles L 343-1 and following of the Code of Intellectual Property, national regulations and international conventions. Violation of these provisions subjects the offender and all persons responsible for criminal and civil penalties provided by law.


Abbreviations such as Femdom and Findom, contractions of Female domination and Financial domination respectively, are widely used in the BDSM world. But it seems that psychological domination, although not being exceptionally rare, doesn’t even have a nickname of its own yet. Today, a simple search for the hashtag #Psydom on Twitter or Instagram will prove quite deceiving indeed… Why not give Psydom, or psychological domination, a true and highly intriguing BDSM art, its rightful glory?

What is Psydom?

Psydom is the word resulting from the contraction of Psychological domination. Psychology is the science of the mind, therefore Psydom is the art of dominating the mind. If physical domination often requires tools, such as whips and crops, and skills to match – corporal punishment isn’t about hitting as hard as one can, and whoever tried to use a bullwhip knows how much practice it takes to master its use, psychological domination is no different. In Psydom, communication, rather than words, is the main weapon, hence the necessary knowledge of psychology, as well as various language and communication techniques. The infamous Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), Ericksonian hypnosis, and non-verbal communication are some of them. Humiliation, which requires a knowledge of fetishes, could be considered as the psychological equivalent of corporal punishment, and behavioral modification or hypnosis, forms of mental bondage. Psydom comprises a vast array of skills and applications, which make for a fascinating art to master… Which is why I have chosen to become a Psydomme myself.


What does psychology do?

With psychology, it is possible to understand where fetishes take root, through Freudian symbolism for instance. An advanced knowledge of Freudian symbolism allows to make pertinent metaphors during hypnosis sessions. Psychology also helps predict and understand a specific behaviour in regard to an experienced event (behavioral psychology). Given that fetishes are often formed from an experienced event, not only the Psydomme would understand the particular fetish of a psysub, but she would be able to carry the whole session in a safe manner while being in the right direction, as she would know what reactions or emotions she would trigger. Obviously, this is an extremely valuable asset for dominatrices who want to truly be in control during the session.

Similarly to physical domination, psychological domination isn’t without risks and the potential damage, although less visible is very real and solid knowledge of behavioral psychology is essential to prevent it. During a session (this is particularly true for hypnosis sessions), it is possible for the sub to experience trauma stimulus (or trauma trigger), the resurfacing of repressed memories of a traumatic event, although this tends to be rare and easily avoided, when using safety anchors or suggestions beforehand for example. Exactly like for bondage during a physical domination session, safety is of utmost importance in psychological domination, and a skilled Psydomme will always make a point taking care of it.


The power of non-verbal communication

If knowledge of psychology is essential in order to be a successful Psydomme, it also requires both verbal and non-verbal advanced communication skills. Neuro Linguistic Programming, a science based on words and the daughter of Ericksonian hypnosis, may have gained popularity amongst dominatrices, but using it on its own would result in a very poor Psydom experience for the psysub, since verbal communication is believed to account for only about 7 percent of interpersonal communication… Which means that about 93% of interpersonal communication is actually non-verbal! Non-verbal communication includes kinesics (body movements), posture, proxemics (the distance between two subjects), para-language (tone of voice, speed of speech), and eye contact. In this era of technology, video, be it clips or Skype sessions, allows for great Psydom relationships, long distance or not, since it conveys most of the non-verbal communication previously impossible to carry through phone domination, not to mention outside of a real time session. I, myself use video a lot – my custom clips especially are highly in demand – with great success in developing a profound, intimate connection with my subs.


Taking it further

Those seeking intense sensations know it well: nothing beats real life domination sessions. Beyond the evident overwhelming feeling that meeting your domme can provoke, being able to breathe the same air comes with a few other privileges: the scent of her perfume or even the touch of her nails grazing your skin if you are lucky, for example. These may seem like tiny details at first, but the feeling of expectation will amplify them tremendously, and they will carry a much greater significance given the exceptional character of the encounter. An experienced Psydomme would know exactly how to make use of this…

If psydom sessions don’t allow any kind of sexual contact, this doesn’t mean there will not be any non-sexual contact either. In fact, that non-sexual contact can be another extremely powerful form of communication, or if you prefer, another way to convey strong suggestions to you and manipulate you further! Dating coaches and pick up artists know it well, non-sexual touch, “kino”, as they call it, can be a true weapon of seduction. If used the right way, it can also convey power! I happen to be the daughter of a psychologist and hypnotherapist who wrote various books on the subject and have had the privilege of learning these techniques as they were being researched – I do offer coaching sessions in Paris if you’re an aspiring Psydomme looking to develop your communication skills, body language and NLP technique (contact me for details).

All these fascinating techniques are what transcends a Psydom relationship and turn a real time psydom session into an intense, exhilarating experience. The ultimate step towards true submission, daring to live your fantasies in the flesh will enable you to embrace your deepest desires and concretize psychological transformations that you never thought you were capable of…

Are you ready to take the plunge? Book your real time session with me now or make your fantasy come true by ordering a custom clip!



This text is the exclusive property of The Only Theodora™, © June 2017.
Any reproduction and/or partial or complete use of content and services offered by The Only Theodora™, by any means whatsoever, without the prior written authorization of The Only Theodora™ and affiliates, is strictly prohibited and constitutes an infringement under Articles L 335-2, Articles L 343-1 and following of the Code of Intellectual Property, national regulations and international conventions. Violation of these provisions subjects the offender and all persons responsible for criminal and civil penalties provided by law and will be subject to prosecution.